Cannonball Run II (1984)

Cannonball Run II Film Details

Overview: The original characters from The Cannonball Run (1981) race across the country once more in various cars and trucks.

Tagline: The popcorn’s in the lobby. The nuts are on the screen.

Review: I wouldn’t even bother commenting on the execrable cesspool of a film if its very existence didn’t offend me. I hated this film. Hated it to a degree that I cannot even find the words to express myself. This is literally (and I do mean literally; this is not hyperbole) the low point of western civilization since the Spanish Inquisition. I enjoy a goofy Saturday afternoon or late night insomnia movie like anyone. I even enjoy bad movies if they are bad in a charming or kitschy way. What really makes this movie offense and vulgar is the sense of smug satisfaction of the giant ensemble cast. One of the worst feelings you can experience is embarrassment for another person, and this movie is, from beginning to end, a combination of feeling embarrassed for everyone involved coupled with insult and outrage. The idea that someone would find this worth watching is insulting. The idea that such a thing as this movie should even exist on a roll of film somewhere is offensive. I will have trouble sleeping knowing that somewhere within one thousand miles of me, some unclean television sits that once showed even a split second of this film. Quite literally, you, who are reading this comment, could have made a better film if I handed you a home video camera and shoved you out into the desert, then kneecapped you and left you for dead without water so that all you could film was the meager piece of ground you were capable of crawling across. I am wounded psychologically from having to sit through the sight of Burt Reynolds, Sammy Davis, and Dom DeLuise in drag. I could go cast member by cast member here, each of whom should be ashamed of themselves to this day and should be made to atone for their sins before a public tribunal of fire and pitchforks and angry mobs. All of my political principles go out the door when it comes to this movie – I want to see someone hanged, publicly and brutally, for bringing this abomination of a film into existence. I want to go Jacques deMolay on the whole cast. Forget dreading Friday the 13th; we should all rue the day this film was released, instead. I am permanently and incurably scarred by having to look at cars in this movie from the worst era for car design in the auto industry’s history. What in God’s name were people thinking in the 1980s – about EVERYTHING? The Mitsubishi in particular is one of the most shameful and odious pieces of machinery I have ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on. I have yet to encounter anything, for example, in the dark recesses of the internet, so thoroughly offensive as the vehicles in this miserable “film.” This is a movie about a race; the least they could have done is found some decent cars rather than relying on the miserable, unclean, blasphemous detritus of the era. The cars and Burt Reynold’s mustache in this film are an affront to God and humanity. Each should be punished severely and swiftly. I want to hear someone scream. This is a movie full of people very amused with themselves with zero regard for the audience. The contempt for the audience is palpable. Not a single shred of effort was made – this is Burt and Dom partying on someone else’s dollar, and the film itself equates to abuse and trauma. Not a single idea here is new – simian (literally) humor, dressing people up in drag, stereotypes, and a bunch of unlikely and trite crashes and disasters evoke nothing so much as Stalin era gulags and syphilis experiments. I hate this movie. Hate everything about it. Hate its presumptuousness, hate every actor who appeared for appearing in it. The entire acting career of everyone involved here should be completely discredited simply by virtue of appearing in this film. I want to see people kicked out of SAG, blacklists, exile, and angry mobs rampaging through the streets of Beverly Hills or Malibu or wherever these people live. I want to see tribunals and fire and primitive religious symbols and hooded men with axes. I will never be the same again, and I curse the day I saw this film. I have seen many movies, and this, I have to say, is the worst movie ever made. I am an enthusiastic and radical opponent of censorship but I make an exception for this witless, charmless, unfunny, vacuous disgrace of a film. Every copy in existence should be hunted down and burned, and any note of its existence should be wiped out of film guides and so on under penalty of death. When this campaign ends, we should start history over with Year 1. History should be rewritten, exactly as it happened, minus the existence of this film. Penalties should be doled out. We are talking stretch racks and iron maidens and bamboo under fingernails. I HATE THIS MOVIE.

Country: USA, Hong Kong

Language: English

Duration: 108 min

Genre: Action, Comedy

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