Splatter Beach Film Details
Overview: Something ancient lurks in the surf off Sea Bright Beach. It swims silently, can breathe air and walks upright. It’s also very, very hungry and not for seafood anymore. Tonya, Rodney and …
Review: This is one of John Polonia’s last movies and possibly one of his worst. Although it’s not completely boring like Razorteeth or The House that Screamed, the sheer amount of forced comedy in this one makes it hard to put up with at times. It has nothing to do with Splatter Farm, which is probably a better film. This is supposed to be a comedic tribute to the beach monster movies of the 1960s. However, comedy is the thing that the Polonia brothers do the worst. This film has the standard Polonia plot of ” a man in a homemade monster suit shows up in Pennsylvania and kills a few people whom the directors know”. However, because this is a comedy, expect the characters to talk about homosexuality, sexual acts, farting, lesbianism, Hercules movies, homosexuality, and farting Hercules before they die. The comedic height of the film is when a character chooses to become a lesbian. We’re seriously supposed to laugh at this. Most of the rest of the film consists of padding. Dave Fife walks back and forth along a beach and has to put up with the obnoxiously unfunny and uninteresting characters of Brice Kennedy and his girlfriend while being accused of homosexuality by Ken Van Sant. Harder to sit through, however, are the drawn out sequences featuring poorly edited teenage girls dancing to a garage band playing an extremely repetitive song. Don’t watch this movie unless you are determined to see the entire filmography of John Polonia or Dave Fife. Despite this, the bonus film on the disc, Hallucinations, is the best Polonia Brothers film I have ever seen. It was made when the two were teenagers and still gave a crap.
Duration: 70 min
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Also known as: Splatter Beach