Splitz Film Details
Overview: An all-female rock band and a group of “well-endowed” sorority sisters team up to save a sorority house slated for condemnation by the university.
Tagline: We wish this movie was about sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll… but two out of three ain’t bad.
Review: A trio of sororities go into competition to save their house from being torn down to make way for a new sewage treatment plant, so an aspiring girl band joins the underdogs to ensure they’re not the loser. I’m really surprised this movie doesn’t have a minor cult following. During the mid-’80s it was in heavy rotation on HBO and Cinemax, I think it also aired on USA Up All Night (if you’re old enough that should tell you what sort of film it is), and it stood out on video shelves because the front cover (a cheerleader doing the splits) was cleverly printed sideways. Like all of the corny T&A movies from that era, it doesn’t aspire to be anything more than what it is: mindless silliness. There are heavy comparisons to “Animal House,” but personally I think it’s got more of a “Rock N Roll High School” type of vibe. The story jumps all over the map. The first 15 minutes focus on the band and their manager before the movie shifts gears to the sorority. Then we’re off to visit the mobster family of guitarist Gina for a subplot involving her pathetic cousin Vinnie, who discovers he can hypnotize women to lure them into bed. Back to the sorority for a soccer game, then they go to seduce a dentist, back to school for lingerie wrestling and then they head off to the diner for a spontaneous (and infectiously catchy) musical number! And then it’s time for strip-basketball (kinda disappointing since nobody gets fully naked)… If you’re bored with one scene, rest assured that the story’s soon to veer off into another direction! A lot of it is idiotic, but there are some golden moments scattered throughout. The film’s biggest asset is its cast (although there is some obligatory bad b-movie acting). Robin Johnson, who attained a cult following all her own after landing the lead in “Times Square,” had true star potential. In her role as Splitz’s guitarist, receives star billing as well as many of the best one-liners, which she delivers with snarky gusto. Unfortunately they didn’t bother to utilize her awesome singing voice, she fades into the background for huge chunks of the film and she doesn’t bare all. Tom McCleister (one of Al Bundy’s regular No Ma’am cohorts) also shines as horny Neanderthal Warwick, who winds up coaching the merry band of misfits. Shirley Stoler (The Honeymoon Killers) devours the scenery as the evil Dean Hunta, a character that would be right at home in a John Waters movies… and if you ever wanted to see Madam Lonely Hearts belt out a tune, here’s your chance!. Character actor Dom Irrera (The Big Lebowski) injects the perfect combination of innocent naivety and sleaze into his hypnotist act; Amelia David could’ve built a career as the wisecracking fat chick (sadly this is her only IMDb credit); Tara King is pitch-perfect (shrill) as the snotty, virginal and aptly named nemesis Fern Hymenstein and Forbes Riley (Splatter University star and future infomercial host) seemed to delight in portraying condescending kiss-ass rival Lois Scagliani. The film’s other big redeeming feature is its soundtrack, though no album was issued and the credits are riddled with errors (who REALLY sang “We’re a Miracle?” Diane Scanlon said she didn’t!). In addition to the movie’s catchy original songs, there’s prominently featured tracks by Del Shannon, Blondie, Rick Derringer, Bonnie Tyler, and John Hiatt. The film pales a bit next to some of its contemporaries, which could be why it’s fallen through the cracks. It lacks the inherent sweetness of “Zapped!,” “Midnight Madness” and “Meatballs 2,” and the rampant sexuality of “Joysticks,” “Young Doctors in Love” and “Hollywood Hot Tubs.” Still “Splitz” is a fun little ’80s flick that shouldn’t be as completely obscure as it seems to be. Here’s hoping someday we get a widescreen release of the original R-rated print, rather than the PG-13 version that was issued on VHS and briefly available on DVD.
Duration: 86 min
Genre: Comedy, Music
Also known as: Splitz,Il rock è femmina,Phil Beta Rockers,Phi Beta Rockers